In the United States, up to 19% of teens experience sexual or physical dating violence, about half deal with stalking or harassment, and as many as 65% report being psychologically abused. Teen dating violence includes physical, psychological, sexual abuse or harassment of any person between ages 12 to 18 in a romantic or consensual relationship. Many young adults fail to realize that they too can fall victim to domestic violence. Contrary to popular belief, relationships that get to this point are not negative all the time, so at times they feel just as loving and positive as any other relationship. The constant highs and lows keep partners trapped in a toxic cycle, pummeling down into a potentially dangerous or even fatal outcome.
“I think there was a couple red flags that I ignored,” anonymous student #1 said. “He would obsess over everything I did or when he started showing me that he saw me more as an object than his girlfriend; he would want to know everything I was doing and he had to have a say in everything, so I couldn’t even go an hour without answering him before he would get mad.”
Isolation, extreme jealousy, threats and intimidation are all frequent signs of an abusive partner. First it starts off with small comments and slight grabs, then it escalates into victims having to face the undeniable truth that they are being mistreated. Abuse in a relationship sneaks in silently until it’s evident.
“Once he pushed me out of his car while screaming at me so violently that his spit was flying onto my face,” anonymous student #2 said. “He didn’t care that my parents were right there and I think that’s when I knew this had to stop.”
Approximately 7% of all homicides of individuals aged 11 to 18 in the United States are committed by a current or former intimate partner. The most dangerous time for a victim is when they attempt to leave or end the relationship, which leads to most people staying out of fear of what might happen if they attempt to leave. In a domestic violence situation the perpetrator tends to try and isolate the victim from their friends or family as an attempt to leave them with no other support. Even if people try and help the victim, there’s no guarantee that they want to leave or that they can be helped if they are so blinded by the love they have for their partner.
“Everybody around me knew since they would see the bruises I had on me and would tell me to leave him; even guys who were friends with him would tell me to open my eyes that he was abusive, in a way the people around me cared more than I did,” anonymous student #3 said. “ I was so stubbornly in love that I was in denial. If people would ask if he was hitting me I would get mad, and it seemed everybody around me just knew I was in a tough situation except for me.”
The victim being isolated because of their relatives or friends’ dislike for their partner just leaves them stuck in a hole they won’t be able to climb out of. If you suspect that someone around you may be in a domestic relationship it’s best to show your support and find a way to encourage them to seek help.
It is important to note all the quotes and all the people interviewed were kept anonymous because the violence and harm in a relationship is not contained. Instead, it seeps out and damages other personal relationships. Physical abuse is the foundation to domestic violence, but the social pressure and rejection that the victims have to endure after mountains into an even harder situation. Always ensure not to allow your love for someone to make a violent hit feel like a hug.
